I no longer JUDGE other parents!

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So the saying “you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes” is definitely something I would say rings true for me now that I’m a parent.  I have always been a control freak when it comes to anything in my life.  Luckily I have a job that allows me to exercise that controlling need but when I’m at home all bets are off.  I never thought that using the same principles that work so well for me at work would be an utter fail for me at home.  It sounds so silly that I ever thought that way but in my own naive way I thought it was logical and would work!

My daughter is a VERY strong-willed and independent child and she tells us all the time “no one is the boss of me”!  Match her with me who wants to control anything and everything and it makes for fun times in our house. 🙂  I have been forced to learn how to let go of the control.  I’m starting to understand that as a parent you kind of learn as you go, that I have to adjust to my child’s personality and temperament and with a little luck hopefully I won’t screw things up too much!

What I used to think:

  • Why can’t you control your child and stop them from screaming/melting down?
  • Are you letting them go out wearing “that”?!?
  • Why are you feeding them McDonald’s, can’t you cook something healthy for your child?

What I think now:

  • Young children still are learning how to deal with their emotions and sometimes it just happens to be in public.  Every parent has these episodes and it’s normal.
  • I’m lucky to get her dressed in anything and as long as she’s not naked then I’m good.
  • Sometimes it’s a choice between food or no food and as long as we can fit in healthy food on most days, I’m fine with some fast food when we’re rushing between activities on the odd occasion.

Before actually experiencing all of this for myself, I would say I was guilty of judging.  I was one of those people who would cast a look at parents who I thought just didn’t try hard enough or had bad parenting skills.  Let’s say a few meltdowns in public (the latest was at Toys R Us just last week over not being able to get yet another set of Shopkins) I no longer judge.  I think parenting is the hardest job in the entire world and I’m learning something new every day.  To all the parents out there – good luck with the next phase of whatever challenges you are going through right now.  I’m sending you positive thoughts that the phase won’t last too long 🙂

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62 thoughts on “I no longer JUDGE other parents!

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  12. This is so true! The saying “you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes” is 100% correct! Especially when you contrast things ‘What I used to think’ vs “What I think now”! Personally I couldn’t understand why kids like watching those silly cartoons, but now I’m glad that there are people, who work and produce them as it’s a chance for me to do something while my girl is watching her favorite cartoon and I know that she won’t be doing anything else for at least 10 minutes!

  13. I love your quote of “you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. It is so true! I love the looks that people give you when you are in the middle of the grocery store and your child is throwing a fit because he/she can’t get the one item they think they will die if the object is not in the cart! Sometimes I’ll even ask those people if they would like to babysit for me as my child is screaming throwing himself on the floor in the middle of the aisle. This is reality people, no child is going to be an angel. I’m just thankful I’m not the only parent that experiences this “fun” times! 🙂

  14. I used to be judgemental. 4 kids later and I’m not any more! The thing with tantrums, fussy eating, refusing to wear/ eat/ have anything at all to do with stuff that doesn’t have Thomas the Tank Engine, it’s all perfectly normal and they grow out of it. It would be a lot easier if people didn’t judge though!

  15. It’s so true… we think so many things but once we’re in the thick of it, those principles sometimes are thrown to curb (whether permanently or temporarily).

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.

  16. LOL! All bets are off once you have your own children! I never understood before how much you could love someone and want to throttle them at the same time, now I do! I had to learn these lessons too, I figured it’s only hair, or clothes, or a bad moment. For all of us to come out standing there are so many things you have to let go. Looks like you’re doing great!

  17. Very true. It can be all too easy to judge at times, but unless we know the person well, we shouldn’t judge them. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

  18. I actually bizarrely like seeing other children throw a tantrum it makes me feel better and not so alone. All children have hissy fits from time to time. I remember my own son being marched out of the park kicking and screaming and I wished the ground would swallow me up.

  19. Great post! Every child and family is different! I was so bad before I had kids. I quickly learned that many of those theories/best practices went out the window when you were just trying to get through the day. My daughter had the biggest meltdown in history last year as I was hauling her 3 year flinging body out of the water park and all our junk…I’m sure I was being judged, but I had my eye on the car and being able to put her down.

  20. Great post! My daughter used to dress herself (in crazy outfits), and she was so proud that she could do it all by herself. :0) Thanks for sharing with us at the Merry Monday Link Party! Hope to see you again on Sunday night.

  21. I totally agree with you, every parent deals differently with every child as every child is totally different from each other. It’s annoying when other people judge us parents with what we’re doing with our own kids when all we want is the best for them. Lovely post! #binkylinky

  22. I think having children entirely changes your perspective on life and actually have my second child made me more relax as she is much more high maintenance than my son! Nothing wrong with a McDonalds every now and then anyway 🙂

  23. Yes! The realities of parenthood teach us a lot! For me, it was even a step further after adopting a little one with mental, behavioral, and physical special needs. It was God’s next lesson for me in accepting that I am not in control – even with all my education and experience! This was a great post! I’m so glad I stopped by to visit from Waywow!
    Blessings and smiles,

  24. This is the truth!!
    I remember questioning parents (in my head) on their decisions, but now I get it.
    Now, that I’m a parent I do have a better understanding, but also now that I’m older, I embrace empathy. 🙂
    Thanks for sharing with us at #MMBH

  25. Haha love this. I wrote a very similar blog a couple of months back, Thou Shall Not Judge! I think its only when you have children of your own that you realise just how hard it is!! Great post, thanks for sharing. #MMWHB

  26. Yep…never say never. I have 4 children and all surprised me at one time or another. I knew I had finally let go when I stood in a bathroom at a crowded stadium letting my 2 1/2 year old daughter (who mind you should not have been along for the game) lay on the floor throwing a huge tantrum with people gawking. I never judge…you never know what that parent could be dealing with anyway. Great post!

  27. I am so guilty of being judgemental… until I had kids. You really can’t control their actions and both of my children are the definition of a strong willed child.

  28. I’m totally with you on this. Now I just want to run over and help anyone I see with an upset child because I’ve been there way too many times to count… #smallvictoriessunday

  29. I used to be judgmental. Then I had an autistic child (probably two, actually, but one isn’t diagnosed yet) and now I’m more likely to give a sympathetic smile than an eye roll!


  30. Definitely true! When I didn’t have kids I would say “I would never do that ” “why is she letting her child do this” and so on but now that I am a parent myself, I totally get it. Being a parent is very hard and at the same time a true blessing.

  31. Oh I could have written this! My daughter is very strong willed. All the techniques that worked on my son (like time outs and bribery!) just don’t work on her. Sometimes she just needs to get her frustrations out to feel better so I let her. When I see parents facing similar battles I try not to judge as I know it could so easily be me. Great post 🙂 #TwinklyTuesday

  32. My life!! Today I dressed a screaming toddler in the hall of an elementary school after pre-school, then chased her though Chapters in the afternoon, eventually gave up, strapped her screaming in the stroller, throwing her boots and clothes everywhere. Carrying the baby out too. Parenting is so friggin exhausting! If we are fed and alive at the end of the day I call it a success lol!

    You should come link up at our Bloggers Spotlight party on Thursday, we pin everything to our group board and have two separate link-ups, one for posts and one devoted to pins so you get even more exposure!

  33. My boys were angels, and I couldn’t understand the behavior of some children- until I had my daughter. Then, I understood very quickly. Nothing that worked with the boys worked for her. I got a lot of compassion for other parents really quick! We think we are teaching our children, but really they are teaching us to be better people. Great post!

    1. My daughter was an angel as well until she hit three years old. I too couldn’t understand why everyone else had such a hard time and learned very quickly. We skipped terrible two’s and went straight to tantrum three’s!

  34. I’m not a parent just a pet parent. When I see little kids out and about with their parents and they are screaming and trying to run away, I just want to hug the parents. As you said, the little ones are still learning to deal with their emotions. It sounds like your doing a great job!

  35. Aha, the Shopkins induced meltdown. We have those!!
    I was definitely one of those who thought, ‘What is your child wearing?!’ but now feel the embarrassment of my daughter wearing everything in her wardrobe all at once!!
    However, I feel I probably do still judge. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t 🙁

  36. Your transformation as a parent is inspiring. It’s easy to perceive something one way until you are actually in that person’s shoes. Great post. Enjoyed reading it.

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